Two days ago we closed on our house next door which we had owned for 28 years. It was a home more than a house. It had character that wrapped you in it’s warm loving embrace whenever you entered. Within its walls we raised 3 boys, 1 dog and countless hamsters and hermit crabs. We lived through three major renovations of its physical structure and it supported my journey through major life changes.
I entered that house at 25 years old. A very young mother leaving my maiden years behind as I juggled a full time sales job, a 3 year old, daycare and daily life. I left it 20 years later with 2 children out of the house and my youngest already in high school, and me beginning my own physical and spiritual transition from mother to wise woman.
Over these past 7 years the house has been called home by two other wonderful families but it was time for change. The house deserves its own permanent family to love and infuse it with new fresh vibrant energy.
All week I was asked if I was sad but I wasn’t. I felt it was a natural transition and I was excited to be responsible for one less property….and one less mortgage payment.
So why did I find myself suddenly sobbing in the tub that evening………………
One moment I was humming to the music and the next my heart clenched, my breath caught and I felt a wave of sadness rushing through. I wasn’t sad in the traditional sense. I didn’t wish I had held onto it and I had no plans to ever move back in. Instead it was the sorrow of a door closing. The other side of the same coin as joy.
With the fire energy we began to manifest what it is that we want. Causing the change that comes with transformation. With every change there is a natural closing of one door to make room for the opening of another. And in the heart we experience the emotions that move with both. Honoring what we leave behind with tenderness and welcoming in the new with infinite love.
Two close friends lost parents this past week. A different transition, a life changing event. Deep grief over the loss of the physical presence, the hugs, the phone conversations and the laughs. But when there was illness or suffering, also a sense of relief and peace that their spirit is now free and unbounded by this human condition. The love of everyone coming together to remember and the laughter that comes with those memories.
A few people used the word bittersweet this week. I looked it up and it means “pleasant but tinged with sadness”. Or “both pleasant and painful”. Isn’t that true of most of life’s transitions? Salty tears of both sorrow and joy pouring from our deepest well.
And as for my own physical transformation into this third phase of a women’s life – the wise women – leaving behind now both maiden and mother…..bittersweet. But just in time for the opening of yet another door – becoming a grandmother in August!
Honoring both sadness and joy with an open heart,